I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
