I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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