I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
