.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize