one might say we're banned from that church
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
