ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
