it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
