Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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