Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize