no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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