Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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