I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
