and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
