3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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