Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
