my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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