I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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