jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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