he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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