i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
