there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
