I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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