why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
