I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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