Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
