i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
