We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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