Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
