He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
