And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize