You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
