My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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