I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you inspire me to be a worse person
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
