Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
