I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
