I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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