Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
