Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize