just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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