Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's great music for shaving your balls
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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