not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
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