we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
