woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
