Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
