do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
