hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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