i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
