Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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