I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
