Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
