I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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