Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
