let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
