I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
