tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
