official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
