i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
