I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize