Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
