My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
