I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
